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Luke Barnatt - The Ultimate Fighter 17.

Luke Barnatt TUF 17 Blog: Week 5

February-27-13
Luke Barnatt gives us the latest installment of his TUF 17 blog, with house talk and other Bigslow commentary.

Author: Luke Barnatt (@LukeBarnatt)

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This blog started as a re-cap of TUF17 - the single best TV programme that has ever graced your television screens (well when my face comes on it!) - but the more I start writing, the more I enjoy telling you fools about the epicness that my life consists of!

So, this week we cover: Emotional wrecks getting beaten up by chubby Mexican kids, experiencing the "fame" of being an Ultimate Fighter and walking to mean streets of West Linn... oh and chicks fighting in the UFC being pretty awesome!

Week 5: Experience isn't always everything...

This week's episode introduced us to KG, a big Ronda fan who stuffs his face with hash browns, smiles his ass off and hasn't got a worry in the world! Everybody loves KG. With him taking on the most experienced fighter in the house, everbody's favourite contestant, Mr Robert "Bubba" McDaniel, it created what I feel has been the best episode of TUF so far.

There were some good back stories, an epic Sonnen speech, a visit from some freakish looking, lucky-to-still-be-alive, Sin City star Mickey Rourke, and Team Little JJ are having a power struggle between the coaches and Mr Douchetastic.

But we all bloody watched the episode; biggest upset in TUF history and all that BS! Let's talk about something more important than some stupid TV programme... let me tell you what's happened to me over the past week, and give you another handleful of ballshit excuses why this blog is getting later and later every week!

I made a few predictions for UFC London in my last blog... and I didn't get everything right! But the only thing that matters was my boy Tom Watson got FOTN at Wembley, as well as doubling up and getting KO of the night, so BOOM 100K! Congrats, brother!

I went to UFC London and it was my first taste of people actually knowing who the hell I am. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had, walking around the stadium, getting stopped every 10 yards for photos and people telling me I'm a badass, and they want Bubba to get brutally murdered in his sleep.

I had a dude spot me in the pisser and wave me over to piss next time him, which was just bloody weird so I said, 'That's just bloody weird,' and waited until a cubicle was free. I wasn't sure of the lengths this guy would go to, to see the size of my junk! I even worried he was gonna pop his head over the cubicle so I sat on the toilet and pissed like a 14 year old girl... that was fun!

In all seriousness though, it was pretty damn cool and felt rewarding to have everyone come up to me and cheer for me on TUF 17. I honestly didn't expect it to be a big deal, and I didn't know people would recognise me and show me so much support. Maybe I was just being naive or oblivious to the whole idea, but thanks for giving a fuck who I am and what I do!

Only one person from the weekend come up to me and said, "Hey man I read your blog," and that was @Rizolicious so he is the man, and I thought i'd give him a mention as the first ever dude to randomly tell me he likes my blog. A step in the right direction.

Right, now that's enough sucking all those fans' dicks.

Following the UFC on Sunday I caught a flight out to Portland, Oregon with my teammate and fellow British badass, Gypsy Jiu Jitsu master John "The One" Maguire to train with a pretty mouthy individual, the man with the largest arms and all the charms, Mr Chael P. Sonnen. An added bonus was I got to hang out and train with two other dudes from the show, Mr Jimmy Quinlan (@JimmyCrashBJJ - follow him, he needs some attention. I think he was bullied as a child) and the best grappler to stick on a pair of MMA gloves, Vinny Magalhaes.

As soon as I arrived I had some awesome training, picked up a few things and got to catch up with some cool people, including all the coaches from the show, Jamie, Clayton and Scott, who all coach out of One MMA (formerly known as Team Quest) in Tualatin, Oregon, just outside Portland. This is where I'll be spending the next eight weeks of my life punching and kicking people in the face.

On Thursday Me, Jimmy and John decided to head down to California to get some sunshine and prepare ourselves mentally, physically and spiritually for a woman to rip off another woman's arm, but first I had some stuff to get done! I headed down to Huntingdon Beach to train at UTC with a former TUF star and two-time coach Michael Bisping, who some of you wankers sitting there reading this blog playing with your dicks, might think is a bit of a dick due to his brash and mouthy approach to the media.

Now, I'd never actually met Bisping before, even though I'm from England and some American fools think we know everyone from the UK, even the bloody Queen, so I wasn't sure what to expect, but the man was an absolute gent. I literally tweeted him a few days earlier and he arranged a session. He drove a fair distance just to come train with me and John, then invited us to stay at his house, the missus cooked casserole and we sat up watching Bellator, drinking beers. Now that is pretty damn cool, and Mike gets the European Gangster's seal of approval. Guy is a legend.

My personal highlight of the whole experience was sharing a bed with John (as we do often... it's not gay aslong as you have an underhook and there is no eye contact) and the door flying open in the morning, getting woken up by Bisping in his pants (underwear for you American wankers) saying, "Rise and shine you homos, time to get up!"

I mean, having said all that, if Mike was stranded in Cambridge with nowhere to stay and I'd just been training with him, I wouldn't let that northern monkey anywhere near my house, I'd tell him to get on and stop being such a free loader but, hey, I'm a badass and he's not!

UFC 157

I would review the card for you guys and give you loads of insight and inside information but I can't be bothered, so I'll just break down my highlights of the show.

Grice vs. Bermudez, with Grice getting beaten the hell out of but the cage holding him up for the entire round and them throwing bombs at each other was kinda how I'd want to fight in the UFC; exciting, dangerous and mindless! None of this technical shit, just Rocky style head banging.

Urijah Faber walking out to California Love in California surrounded by loads of American Californians, that was pretty mental. Then him climbing Menjivar's back like a little spider monkey and keeping his body triangle on and celebrating whilst still body triangling his back... that was a Gangster Move!

It was a long day so I was glad to get a quick 15 minute nap before the main event, so Hendo vs Machida was very useful for me.

Urijah Faber climbing up Ronda's back and trying to get his second RNC victory of the night was highly entertaining, but I honestly thought he had better armbar defence than that... I was really confused by the fact he was wearing a bra too, but you know some guys are into that shit.

Ronda comes back and smashes Urijah with an armbar, making it her seventh consecutive win in the first round, and I'm not gona lie about it, women fighting in the UFC was never an idea I've been against, but having it be main event above some great fights like Kos vs Lawler just rubbed me up the wrong way a little. However, after experiencing it live and being a part of the first ever female fight in the UFC, it was actually pretty exciting - the fans love Ronda and the arena was going crazy for that fight.

Then, being the absolute legend that I am, on my way out from the arena I stopped to take pictures with everyone who asked, and my friends just walked off and left me, so I was lost with no battery on my phone, no money and starving hungry, walking around the Honda Centre getting asked every few steps to take pictures. Of course I stopped and was happy to take shots with everyone, but in my head I was thinking, 'JESUS... I'm lost I need help,' but my pride was way too high to ask anyone to help me out.

That lasted about 13.7 seconds until my pride had diminished and I asked to borrow a fan's phone to ring John! Eventually we found each other and we headed over to LA to have a steak dinner with King Kevin Casey and Mr Sonnen, as well as my sponsor and his badass 8 year old son.

That was pretty much my weekend and this week's happenings, probably boring to hear about them really, it's just so long since I actually watched the episode of TUF that I can't remember exactly what happened. There's only three things that definitely happened:

1. I insulted someone.
2. Bubb cried
3. Uriah tells us about how he got bullied when he was younger.

Those 3 things seem to happen in every single episode.Oh, and Josh was a douche? Did that happen this week?

The only special features this week I can remember, where Kelvin Gasterlum upset the world by being a tenacious, unstoppable wrecking machine by submitting and finishing a 20-6 vet... which is pretty GANGSTER if you ask me!

Thats one more in the win column, one more for the record books, and one more for the bad guys!

The Hammer is up next facing off against Mr Douchetastic and nothing is happening in my life this week apart from blood, sweat and tears (no tears really, gangsters don't cry, it just sounds better), so I should be able to get this week's blog out on time... and actually talk about The Ultiamte Fighter, as I'm sure you guys are getting a bit bored of reading all about me!

Peace

Bigz (@LukeBarnatt)

P.S. - The next episode of TUF is absolutely awesome and I'm in it alot insulting people so make sure you get involved!

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